my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
