I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i was born a porn star she said
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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