I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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