she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
