She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
