You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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