You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
