I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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