then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
