Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
