Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
