The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
