Dual....:-)
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
