Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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