dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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