That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
