Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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