dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Can't talk, ducks in the car
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
