I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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