I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
nutella sex= disaster
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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