FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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