She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
