ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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