i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
