i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
