the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Less talking, more tequila
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
