i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
