thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
