Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
