We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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