No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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