Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
