Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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