Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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