Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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