i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Too much gin, very little bucket
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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