I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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