The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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