life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I love having hate sex.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
