hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
