Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
