Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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