Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
