oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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