And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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