I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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