Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
