So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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