Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
