Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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