Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
