Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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