I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
