Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Sorry about my life...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
